Once a year I have a kind of MOT; the BDU at the Royal Marsden
started taking care of me because my mum had breast cancer when she was 35. Hard to imagine that I am nearly 7 years older than that now. A GP with little time on his hands took time to read my notes once & passed me on to their next of kin screening programme.
Every so often I have a cyst drained, & I worry until I know the outcome, as well as suffering discomfort in the process. Sometimes they don't know there and then & I have to go back. Then I am frightened &, that time, I couldn't go back to work to do the oh so important things I had planned to attend to. The pressures of work returned the next day, & they remained important,
but I remained scared until I had the results.
Ameliorate is my favourite word, & to ameliorate the fear I feel as I travel down for this screening, I plan around it. I book tickets to a play
, I plan to have my brows threaded, & I hope to fit in a bit of Marc Quinn
I am in row G, 5 or 7 rows back in the middle. I hope the play will take me out of myself. I know I am a starf*****k, anyone who has ever read this blog knows that. but hey, Jessica Lange was really good in Streetcar. & if this is what it takes to not have a musical on in London I am all for it. I love Spacey & am dead excited about this Mamet Play
being brought to life, the last time I saw it it was definitely a stiff, but more of that another time!
I hope to be distracted, I hope to not be waiting for results, I hope to be completely reassured instead. I also know that I will have been in exactly the right place if things are not right, which is why I bother to use a precious day of my annual leave to get this precious hospital in London despite the hassle of driving down from the Midlands.